Top Seven Life Hacks For Making Friends In UL

1. Snapchat Celeb

Send everyone you are friends with on snapchat all the snaps that you post to your story. They will appreciate you thinking of them and will look forward to seeing them the second time on your story because they are top quality content. Instantly you will become Snapchat famous to the level of a Kardashian.

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When you become Snapchat famous, give us a shout out though, we want to share that limelight.

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2. I know, I’m Just So … 

Random! In case people don’t pick up on the fact that with you as a friend they will never know what’s coming next … constantly remind them how random you are. The more you say it, the more people will like you.

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3. I’m Totally Going To …

Fail! This is a genius plan that incidentally, will not fail to make you friends.

Part 1: Tell everyone incessantly before every single exam, test and assignment how you have done no study or work and how you are totally going to fail.

Part 2: Actually be doing loads of work on the sly.

Part 3: Get all A’s.

Part 4: Your friends/classmates will be delighted for you at this amazing achievement. They will look up to and give a round of applause … possibly  a standing ovation actually.

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4. Let Them Know You’ve Exceeded Their Every Experience In Life …

Whenever someone is telling you a story about something in their life, don’t really listen. Just be waiting for an opportunity to interrupt and tell them your story, which is much better. They shifted 2 people last night? You shifted 20! They only slept 3 hours last night? You only slept 3 hours in the last 2 weeks! They went to Tenerife in The Canary Islands for the summer? You went to Elevenerife!

They will realise that as you’ve exceeded all of their life experiences you are obviously the person they need as their friend to elevate them up to your level (which they will never reach, you will always be one better).

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5. Get Your Housemates To Love You …

If they leave a room for even a second to go to the bathroom for example, go in and turn absolutely everything off, even the houses wifi. They will admire your energy saving ways.

Eat their Ben and Jerrys from the freezer. They will realise that you care about their nutritional health more then your own, and thank you for taking the bullet for them.

Leave little notes all over the place. They will admire how considerate you are to take the time to provide them with directions and feedback.

Never take out the bins or do the dishes. They will realise that such jobs are beyond you, and admire how important you are.

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6. Get Your Neighbours To Love You …

Play music late at night really loudly. They will think “wow, what a party animal, the lord of the sesh, how I wish I could be more like them”.

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7. Always Talk In The Cinema…

On the screen there might be an epic blockbuster that took 100’s of millions and years to make, but you start talking over it. Everyone will realise that what you have to say is so much better than Warner Bro’s latest realise, they probably ask if they can pay 8 quid to watch TV in your living room while you talk over because they’ll enjoy it so much.

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Disclaimer: This is not good advice. Don’t play music loud at night then say we told you to when you get in trouble. This is sarcasm. You probably got that as you read each one it reminded you of that person who does these things. If you can’t think of anyone you know that does them … it’s probably you that does them. Stop please, that way you might make some friends.

Tony byline

 

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